Sex is good for marriage, and that’s probably not something you need to be told. It’s something as obvious as saying “vegetables are good for your health” or “politics can get ugly.” But why exactly it’s good for marriage … well, that’s not as obvious.
I’ve been thinking about this lately. Here are my thoughts on why rocking the casa is good for your relationship:
1. Sex = Connection
There was probably a point in your relationship when every conversation felt dynamic. Every word she said was brilliant. No one ever understood you as clearly as he did. It felt like your souls were bound together, and in a good way.
I hope you still find moments of that connection in your marriage now. But let’s be honest – it’s less frequent, isn’t it? Not because you love the person any less, but because the excitement of first connecting with someone in this way has been pushed aside for the familiarity of actually living with that person, year in and year out. And the laundry simply must get done.
We still need those moments of connection. I do – especially after a tough day at work, or an even tougher day at home with a two year-0ld. And sometimes it’s just unrealistic to think we’d have time for the long walks and lengthy conversations that used to be fodder for that sense of connection.
Thankfully, sex is a shortcut to those good old feelings of connection. Somehow sex reminds your brain of what you already know: you’re deeply, intimately connected to this person, and not just physically.
Rob Bell, the author and pastor, got me thinking about this. In his book Sex God, Bell says our sexuality is all of the ways we go about trying to reconnect. That’s beautiful, isn’t it? So the flirting and foreplay at the dinner table that leads to a little late night romp … it’s all about reconnection.
2. Sex is another way to learn more about your partner.
Sex can help you remember that your spouse is someone you’re still trying to get to know. It may seem you know everything there is to know about him or her – but the truth is, you have a lot to learn. And we learn a lot in sex.
What worked last year, or last night, may not work tonight. What she feels comfortable trying now may not be the same as when you first got married. The part of your body he’s most fixated on may be different today than it was the first time you … you know. How it feels changes too … and your ability to share that and describe that with your partner keeps the relationship fresh.
3. Sex relieves tension.
Let’s say – not that this has ever happened to us – that you’ve had a “robust conversation” (what others might call “a fight”) that has ended, but the tension is still hanging in the air. What better way to clear the air than by going to bed? Trust me, it works. It also works to make you feel better after a bad day at work (and it’s healthier than eating copious amounts of ice cream) or after facing a tough situation with your extended family.
There are actually a lot of scientific explanations of this – sex causes a release of hormones that makes us feel closer and happier to each other. And with all these good hormones floating around, why hold on to the tension?
So there you have it … three good excuses to go home and rock the casa tonight. And, as the old bumper sticker says, if the casa’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.
PS – It’s possible that Rock the Casa is also the name of a danceathon fundraiser at my son’s preschool. Forgive me for turning it into something dirty. I just love the phrase.