“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” – Charles Darwin
Cliff and I celebrated the 10th anniversary of our engagement the other day, and to mark the occasion I read some of the things he wrote to me during those days of our relationship. They were charming and full of emotion – and also almost unrecognizable.
Sure, I knew those were words we had shared, and I could see some shadow of myself in them. But in truth we’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years. Thankfully as we’ve grown as individuals we’ve accepted the changes in each other and found it only added to our fondness. Darwin would be proud.
How does a marriage become adaptable to change? It helps to start with two naturally curious people. Add in an agreement to be individuals – and to allow each other time to pursue individual interests. Chase after new things together. Spend time thinking about your spouse’s core values and characteristics – those things less likely to change – and share your admiration of them regularly. Mix it all up with a continual effort to communicate more directly and with compassion. That’s how you create the right environment to evolve together well.